Sunday, January 31, 2010
Reluctance
Today is the 10th day we parted.. 2nd sunday without her but today she will be coming over to pack and take back her stuffs. U know how terrible i will feel later when i see her doing that?? No matter what i say is of no use already all i can do is let go............................... :(
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Life
Sad... can't really describe how i'm feeling. not wanting to pick up any calls not wanting to stay in touch with the world etc just don't knw what's the hell is wrong with me now? Coming to terms with breaking up is not easy but i'm slowly getting up on my feet. Yes i did love u so much even til now i don't hate u at all. These days my life turned upside down, i don't sleep til afternoon comes then i wake up in a few hours. i even nvr slept for entire 2 days i suppose then on the third day i just collapsed on my bed.. Eating lesser than usual i even realise i ate one meal only for one particular day then i told myself to watch my health i don't wanna fall sick... My mind is blank. Its just a matter of time before i get over it. I already making plans ahead after serious consideration. I will keep them and when the time is right, i will hope i can fulfil whatever i have in mind. I have already taken a few steps forward in achieving that ultimate goal i set. All the things that i will do from now on i believe will make me a step closer, i will never stop believing in myself that i can pull it off. Time will heal all wounds and only time will tell. And time wait for no one. I got to stop wasting my time away! Right NOW! i asked myself numerous questions like what i hope to achieve for the rest of my life, who is important to me and also treasure whoever and whatever i have now. I will have no regrets even when i grow old and die! THAT'S the way!
Regrets
Hai... i really regretted going to work at st james.. if only i didn't go there, what if and there's so many what ifs on my head runnning through all this while!!! going bonkers soon...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Insomnia
Arghhhhh.. can't get to sleep again... still deep in my thoughts... sigh and sigh... i have to get out of this, i'm just controlling and holding back my inner most feelings to others. I can decieve everyone but not myself. Especially when i'm home alone, i will just dream into space.. this can't carry on... i just can't breathe at times.. my chest felt so heavy..
Deaf ears?
Slowly i'm adapting.. well to the extent that i know how to control myself better. I still do care alot for her, at times when i ought to give her some advices, i didn't.. not that i'm not willing, its more like knowing her character well enough. it will just fall on deaf ears. Sad to say that's the way it is now but nevertheless i will still do what i can in future whenever the need to.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Heartbreak
Days to keep my heart: 1st june to 22 jan 2010.. Beautiful memories is all i have now. Today is the 3rd day since we broke up.. i've been feeling so down and in a daze since that day. Til today i know i have to let go and move on with life, easier said than done. but i decided to pour out my feelings through blogging from now on so i do not need to keep everything inside me at the very least i say out what i feel inside me letting it all out.
These few days time seem to pass so slow.. The journey i took to anywhere seem longer than usual.. the feeling of being alone is so scary now as l look around me. i hope i will get used to u asap. i promise to all of u who cares and are worried for me that i will be strong no matter what.Ytd charmaine told me these and i'm so touched til i'm lost for words. she said she wouldn't expect me to give up nor forget abt her now cos its still 7months after all and not just 7days. its definitely heartbreaking but everyone will someday stand up and live life to the fullest and i should really love myself the most and be selfish just this once. there's many out there who care so much for me like jintong and got to hurry get back on my feet. dom't just look back and regret, look towards the future. it hurts and it hurts like fuck but its the fact that i'm being this way is sooo not going to change anything. love and r/s is sth that cannot be recipocrated, its not how much that u put in or what u do to determine how u want the outcome to be so yeah first don't avoid the fact, stay home,look at her stuffs and just think of the happy times and keep it as a beautiful memory. its just that she's not meant to be mine and eventually what's meant to be mine will come in my life. and u noe, cry! cry til my heart's content and promise myself not to ever cry over this again and i can do it. i just need time to get over it spend more time with others. nothing is too hard. i definitely feel so lost now bcos its so fresh and everything just happened so fast and i'm human i can't get over everything in a day! i got feelings i just need to give myself time! and of cos i loved her she was such a huge part of my life so its only normal that i feel this way. charmaine told me not to hold my emotions just let it all out and try to focus on sth. like joyce said to me move on, there's more to life focus on my goals instead or brooding over a r/s and like jintong said i'll definitely be able to overcome this bad patch of mine easily and i got to take the risk and have faith that things will work out beautifully for me and i have to knw that i'm not alone cos u all my friends will always be there for me!
Thanks everyone that send me words of encouragement and i'm gratefully for that really!
These few days time seem to pass so slow.. The journey i took to anywhere seem longer than usual.. the feeling of being alone is so scary now as l look around me. i hope i will get used to u asap. i promise to all of u who cares and are worried for me that i will be strong no matter what.Ytd charmaine told me these and i'm so touched til i'm lost for words. she said she wouldn't expect me to give up nor forget abt her now cos its still 7months after all and not just 7days. its definitely heartbreaking but everyone will someday stand up and live life to the fullest and i should really love myself the most and be selfish just this once. there's many out there who care so much for me like jintong and got to hurry get back on my feet. dom't just look back and regret, look towards the future. it hurts and it hurts like fuck but its the fact that i'm being this way is sooo not going to change anything. love and r/s is sth that cannot be recipocrated, its not how much that u put in or what u do to determine how u want the outcome to be so yeah first don't avoid the fact, stay home,look at her stuffs and just think of the happy times and keep it as a beautiful memory. its just that she's not meant to be mine and eventually what's meant to be mine will come in my life. and u noe, cry! cry til my heart's content and promise myself not to ever cry over this again and i can do it. i just need time to get over it spend more time with others. nothing is too hard. i definitely feel so lost now bcos its so fresh and everything just happened so fast and i'm human i can't get over everything in a day! i got feelings i just need to give myself time! and of cos i loved her she was such a huge part of my life so its only normal that i feel this way. charmaine told me not to hold my emotions just let it all out and try to focus on sth. like joyce said to me move on, there's more to life focus on my goals instead or brooding over a r/s and like jintong said i'll definitely be able to overcome this bad patch of mine easily and i got to take the risk and have faith that things will work out beautifully for me and i have to knw that i'm not alone cos u all my friends will always be there for me!
Thanks everyone that send me words of encouragement and i'm gratefully for that really!
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