Tuesday, February 9, 2010
happpyyyyyyyyyyy
i'm lost of what else to say what else to write.. nevertheless today i managed to read a BOOK! its abt how u put yourself into happiness something like that lah.. There's no definite way to achieve happiness.. All of us each one each day are looking like everywhere to achieve it but all of us are like failed to realise that happiness is actually within us deep inside ourselves. So i got to start looking at myself. to take things in my stride.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Love
How do u knw if you love the person?
1) you don't mind being with the person 24hrs yet still have the urge to see the person
2) you don't mind letting your friends curse and swear at you for being together with the person
3) you don't mind doing things that the person like you to do even though you may hate it
4) you would like to hug and kiss the person whenever you can
5) you don't mind spending time on the person knowing that you have something more urgent to do
6) you don't mind being poor with the person
7) you are no longer lazy when it comes to the person
8) you use your heart to do things for the person
9) to be continued
1) you don't mind being with the person 24hrs yet still have the urge to see the person
2) you don't mind letting your friends curse and swear at you for being together with the person
3) you don't mind doing things that the person like you to do even though you may hate it
4) you would like to hug and kiss the person whenever you can
5) you don't mind spending time on the person knowing that you have something more urgent to do
6) you don't mind being poor with the person
7) you are no longer lazy when it comes to the person
8) you use your heart to do things for the person
9) to be continued
Sunday, February 7, 2010
...
Sometimes its funny how they are able to be blinded by all the little things you put your heart into just to make them see how much you love them. And at the end of the day, they walk away without even caring how hard u are crying in your room due to this excruciating pain you feel in your heart even when you are not bleeding..
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Keeping inside
hmmmm.. i know myself best.. i knw i will keep it inside my heart.. though at times it seem ridiculous but my heart is just too soft hearted.. to make it known, to make things clearer. I'm giving myself excuses now but bottom line is i have set a time frame for everything and i mean it.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Boiling point
Eventually water will boil when it reach a certain temperature.. same goes for my patience my endurance level.. Eventually it will fade eventually the time will come.. constantly its rising and at the verge of boiling over already yet it still haven't reach the breaking point yet. Deeeeeeeep in meaning!
refresh
I went through my friends' blogs and i realised what i actually have done recently.. For example when i read abt this, i'm shocked and touched at the same time.. Someone felt weird talking to me for the first time.. how strange the feeling was.. and to think that had lost a friend. I clearly knew the answer to that and now that i know abt this, i will choose to let it be.. IT is just so strange isn't it? I shall not explain.. U can try not to talk to me u can try to take it as u lost a friend. But i'm touched that no matter what u hear, see or sense, u will still imagine who u used to know.. This is what i called true friends in a way.. they are there for u no matter what and stand by you as always and even bother to care what matters to me.. I'm sorry to anyone who feels the way.. sincerely.. i don't deserve that anyway.. Just spending my time refreshing things that happened in my life so far, i'm proud to say i do have many great friends and thanksssssss lotsssssss
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Song written
Because of you my life become so colourful.
Never thought that it would be such as meaningful.
A smile on your face, a word from your phrase,
would simply melt my heart all day.
Every day with you always seems to end so fast.
Hoping that time will stop for me and always last.
However i want, tomorrow to come, to share my future life with you.
Life is always full of different surprises,
No one will know what will happen in the next sunrise.
I'm willing to risk next minute to be with u.
May it be joy or sorrow, i would not regret, never will i.
I don't wanna lose you never all my life.
Life is named meaningless, the day i found myself away from you.
Never thought that it would be such as meaningful.
A smile on your face, a word from your phrase,
would simply melt my heart all day.
Every day with you always seems to end so fast.
Hoping that time will stop for me and always last.
However i want, tomorrow to come, to share my future life with you.
Life is always full of different surprises,
No one will know what will happen in the next sunrise.
I'm willing to risk next minute to be with u.
May it be joy or sorrow, i would not regret, never will i.
I don't wanna lose you never all my life.
Life is named meaningless, the day i found myself away from you.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sickening truth
I knew the truth now. Moreover it hurts me even deeper... deeper than all of u can imagine. It will surely affect me for the rest of my life! Haunting me forever and ever.. i could just fall now and no longer have any energy and motivation to pull myself up anymore. The extremeeeee pain that is being inflicted on me will nvr ever go away and i will bring it to my grave one day when i die. all of u that care might ask what is the truth that i actually refering to.. i will never ever tell anyone abt it no matter what. i will accept it in my heart and take it as a stab in my heart and i will remember the pain!!!!!!!!!!!! i can just assume that nobody can withstand this sort of misery and pain NOBODY!!!!! NBCB KNN!
Numb
Life goes on.. Worklife goes on.. everything seems to be normal and fine again. I seem to accept everything that comes along but am i in pain? like i cannot sleep until i damn tired, like i always have no appetite even though i have yet to eat, like just how i read my notes how i read papers how i surf net how i blog i could just stare and fall into a daze state. i can't continue........ :(
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Reluctance
Today is the 10th day we parted.. 2nd sunday without her but today she will be coming over to pack and take back her stuffs. U know how terrible i will feel later when i see her doing that?? No matter what i say is of no use already all i can do is let go............................... :(
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Life
Sad... can't really describe how i'm feeling. not wanting to pick up any calls not wanting to stay in touch with the world etc just don't knw what's the hell is wrong with me now? Coming to terms with breaking up is not easy but i'm slowly getting up on my feet. Yes i did love u so much even til now i don't hate u at all. These days my life turned upside down, i don't sleep til afternoon comes then i wake up in a few hours. i even nvr slept for entire 2 days i suppose then on the third day i just collapsed on my bed.. Eating lesser than usual i even realise i ate one meal only for one particular day then i told myself to watch my health i don't wanna fall sick... My mind is blank. Its just a matter of time before i get over it. I already making plans ahead after serious consideration. I will keep them and when the time is right, i will hope i can fulfil whatever i have in mind. I have already taken a few steps forward in achieving that ultimate goal i set. All the things that i will do from now on i believe will make me a step closer, i will never stop believing in myself that i can pull it off. Time will heal all wounds and only time will tell. And time wait for no one. I got to stop wasting my time away! Right NOW! i asked myself numerous questions like what i hope to achieve for the rest of my life, who is important to me and also treasure whoever and whatever i have now. I will have no regrets even when i grow old and die! THAT'S the way!
Regrets
Hai... i really regretted going to work at st james.. if only i didn't go there, what if and there's so many what ifs on my head runnning through all this while!!! going bonkers soon...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Insomnia
Arghhhhh.. can't get to sleep again... still deep in my thoughts... sigh and sigh... i have to get out of this, i'm just controlling and holding back my inner most feelings to others. I can decieve everyone but not myself. Especially when i'm home alone, i will just dream into space.. this can't carry on... i just can't breathe at times.. my chest felt so heavy..
Deaf ears?
Slowly i'm adapting.. well to the extent that i know how to control myself better. I still do care alot for her, at times when i ought to give her some advices, i didn't.. not that i'm not willing, its more like knowing her character well enough. it will just fall on deaf ears. Sad to say that's the way it is now but nevertheless i will still do what i can in future whenever the need to.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Heartbreak
Days to keep my heart: 1st june to 22 jan 2010.. Beautiful memories is all i have now. Today is the 3rd day since we broke up.. i've been feeling so down and in a daze since that day. Til today i know i have to let go and move on with life, easier said than done. but i decided to pour out my feelings through blogging from now on so i do not need to keep everything inside me at the very least i say out what i feel inside me letting it all out.
These few days time seem to pass so slow.. The journey i took to anywhere seem longer than usual.. the feeling of being alone is so scary now as l look around me. i hope i will get used to u asap. i promise to all of u who cares and are worried for me that i will be strong no matter what.Ytd charmaine told me these and i'm so touched til i'm lost for words. she said she wouldn't expect me to give up nor forget abt her now cos its still 7months after all and not just 7days. its definitely heartbreaking but everyone will someday stand up and live life to the fullest and i should really love myself the most and be selfish just this once. there's many out there who care so much for me like jintong and got to hurry get back on my feet. dom't just look back and regret, look towards the future. it hurts and it hurts like fuck but its the fact that i'm being this way is sooo not going to change anything. love and r/s is sth that cannot be recipocrated, its not how much that u put in or what u do to determine how u want the outcome to be so yeah first don't avoid the fact, stay home,look at her stuffs and just think of the happy times and keep it as a beautiful memory. its just that she's not meant to be mine and eventually what's meant to be mine will come in my life. and u noe, cry! cry til my heart's content and promise myself not to ever cry over this again and i can do it. i just need time to get over it spend more time with others. nothing is too hard. i definitely feel so lost now bcos its so fresh and everything just happened so fast and i'm human i can't get over everything in a day! i got feelings i just need to give myself time! and of cos i loved her she was such a huge part of my life so its only normal that i feel this way. charmaine told me not to hold my emotions just let it all out and try to focus on sth. like joyce said to me move on, there's more to life focus on my goals instead or brooding over a r/s and like jintong said i'll definitely be able to overcome this bad patch of mine easily and i got to take the risk and have faith that things will work out beautifully for me and i have to knw that i'm not alone cos u all my friends will always be there for me!
Thanks everyone that send me words of encouragement and i'm gratefully for that really!
These few days time seem to pass so slow.. The journey i took to anywhere seem longer than usual.. the feeling of being alone is so scary now as l look around me. i hope i will get used to u asap. i promise to all of u who cares and are worried for me that i will be strong no matter what.Ytd charmaine told me these and i'm so touched til i'm lost for words. she said she wouldn't expect me to give up nor forget abt her now cos its still 7months after all and not just 7days. its definitely heartbreaking but everyone will someday stand up and live life to the fullest and i should really love myself the most and be selfish just this once. there's many out there who care so much for me like jintong and got to hurry get back on my feet. dom't just look back and regret, look towards the future. it hurts and it hurts like fuck but its the fact that i'm being this way is sooo not going to change anything. love and r/s is sth that cannot be recipocrated, its not how much that u put in or what u do to determine how u want the outcome to be so yeah first don't avoid the fact, stay home,look at her stuffs and just think of the happy times and keep it as a beautiful memory. its just that she's not meant to be mine and eventually what's meant to be mine will come in my life. and u noe, cry! cry til my heart's content and promise myself not to ever cry over this again and i can do it. i just need time to get over it spend more time with others. nothing is too hard. i definitely feel so lost now bcos its so fresh and everything just happened so fast and i'm human i can't get over everything in a day! i got feelings i just need to give myself time! and of cos i loved her she was such a huge part of my life so its only normal that i feel this way. charmaine told me not to hold my emotions just let it all out and try to focus on sth. like joyce said to me move on, there's more to life focus on my goals instead or brooding over a r/s and like jintong said i'll definitely be able to overcome this bad patch of mine easily and i got to take the risk and have faith that things will work out beautifully for me and i have to knw that i'm not alone cos u all my friends will always be there for me!
Thanks everyone that send me words of encouragement and i'm gratefully for that really!
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